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Talk:SorryNotSorry/@comment-3284502-20160820072600/@comment-3284502-20160820081658
."So, do you not like ANY stories about the undead?" Oh, no, no, no. I love vampires, ghosts, skeletons, demons, reanimated corpses a la Frankenstein, undead slaves etc. It's zombies I can't stand. If it doesn't 1) Use the "Z" word, 2) Eat and infect people as it's modus operandi, and/or 3) Cause a zombie apocalypse (or a zombie ESQUE apocalypse for those smart asses that insist movies like 28 Days Later or Zombieland don't count because they're just infections/plagues/called vampires/etc. Dude. Come on. They're fucking zombies. Please, nobody here is stupid.) For example, Corpse Bride. I love the hell out of that movie. Those guys were harmless! ."Okay, so this IS a zombie movie, but it's rated G-" What part of no are you not getting here? ."This is a zombie movie, but it's not scary-" You said zombie movie. Claiming it isn't scary is automatically false. Don't you lie to me. :P ."Okay, these zombies don't hurt anyone." ....I'd rather not, but if you're hellbent on ignoring my requests to not watch a zombie movie/episode thing, fine. I will take the least evil among them. ."This IS a zombie movie/tv show, but I think you'll love the humans in it, and love the story, so I'll tell you when the zombies show up and when they're gone so you can look away if you want." I'm cool with that too, thank you. ."So what about SENTIENT zombies?" That.....might actually be worse. Zombies, AND you feel bad about killing them? Fuck THAT noise. If you're gonna put me up against creatures who want to eat people alive and haunt my nightmares for over a decade, at least let me imagine killing them without guilt. ."This one has a happy ending!" Okay, but I don't want to sit through the movie to GET to that happy ending. Do you see my issue? ."I thought you liked that one zombie webcomic though!" The one that is A) Primarily about the humans, B) Is infinitely more optimistic than zombie apocalypse shows generally are, C) Has zombies maybe once every five strips, and D) Is both free and readily available so I can read it at whatever pace I choose (AKA Zip through the ones with zombies as fast as I can because NOPE), and finally D) Does not force me to watch them move and listen to them moan and chew and UGH? ."You'd be useless in the zombie apocalypse." Yeah, I know, but you know who else would be useless? The zombies. Rotting corpses that cannot, realistically, have a functioning brain to give commands, much less a nervous system to move, a respiratory system to breathe, a circulatory system to pump blood so it CAN move, and a digestive and shitting system so they can eat? Not exactly frightening. Never mind when they freeze or overheat and slow down and the fact humans are VERY VERY good at killing our enemies - particularly when they want to kill US and en masse. You want two human enemies to put aside their differences and unite? Give them an enemy that wants to kill 'em both, and cannot be reasoned with. Especially when there is no way they can withstand military grade weaponry. We can even nuke them if we have to if it got that bad. Zombies are not the ones who are going to win here. ."But zombie movies have some of the best commentary on the human condition though!" Yeah, so does Lord of the Flies, but I don't force you to watch classic novel adaptations you'd hate. They also have some of the most incredibly foolish, reckless, frankly irritating and asinine characters imagineable, whom for some reason, are incapable of hearing and smelling the rotting, shambling masses trying to kill them....even at the beginning before everything stank. Those zombies shouldn't even REACH the protags because they'd overhear them moaning the entire time or smell them a yard off. ."Some of them run, you know..." ....That makes even less sense than them being able to kill with a bite (or, you know, being able to exist with no functioning bodily systems). THESE THINGS ARE ROTTING CORPSES AND RIGOR MORTIS WOULD HAVE WORDS WITH THAT. If not rigor mortis, a hot summer day would rot them out and leave them NEEDING to be slow. ."You don't have to be a huge Debbie Downer you know." You don't have to force me to watch something I find traumatic enough I can't breathe watching some of them, so I guess we're both up the creek. ."Wait, how do you know so much about zombies anyways if you've never even watched a zombie movie?" Hey now, I've seen Scooby Doo on Zombie Island and 6teen: Night of the Living Dead. That last one multiple times actually. You can thank it for this fear. ."I meant a zombie movie for grown ups." Oh, yeah, you got me there. I got nothing. I saw like, the last five-ten minutes of Zombieland once because my dad didn't want to change the channel (even though he wasn't even watching it) while we waited for our show to come on directly afterwards, does that count? ."Really? You sat through Zombieland? How much did you cry?" I was hiding behind my dad the entire time so not much, actually. :D ."So how do you know about them if you haven't seen them?" A) I do read online, you know. B) I have friends who enjoy these movies and a boyfriend who once dared suggest I'd enjoy The Walking Dead (and promptly got a "HOW DARE YOU" in response). And C) Netflix has a fuckton of them on my brother's feed. It's obnoxious how many zombies there are, actually. He doesn't even LIKE them, he thinks he's overdone! ."The REST of us want to watch one. Why are you being selfish?" A) Because, as I just said, I don't want to spend months seeing these abominations against genre fiction in my nightmares and B) I don't NEED to watch it. I can face away from the screen and play games on my phone. If y'all are determined, go for it. I'm not happy about zombies existing in fiction, but far be it from me to rain on your undead loving parade. Just do not try to force me to participate, because I will tell you no. ."Soooo, what about stuff like Zombie walks?" The same thing about zombie movies - they're a plague against good taste in genres. However, they are not actually immoral and people have every right to do them if they want, so have fun. Enjoy it. I will not be joining you, but if you're having fun, you don't need me to nor do you need my approval for your hobby. Seriously, I mean it. I hope you have fun and a safe time. I just don't want to be part of it. ....And I'd appreciate if you squeed about it to a different friend when it was over, but I'll survive if you don't. ."What about things that MENTION zombies but zombies aren't real in the story?" Like when they made a zombie movie in Multiplex? Yeah, that's fine. Zombies aren't really scary if they're not real. ."Do you have a zombie plan?" Um, stay with my family as best we can, do our best to survive, try to keep going as best I can if I lose them, and if I'm in a situation where I'm gonna die anyways, I'm gonna go out my way instead of being eaten. No real specifics though, no. Not my thing. I'd have to acknowledge zombies as a real possibility and I think I'm rejecting that premise for the sake of my mental health because thinking about it would put me in BSOD mode. ."So if you hate zombies so much, why are you writing this post?" Because I found the first one therapeutic and I'm having fun with my snarky responses. Hopefully my wiki friends will too. Cheers, guys! :D (I'm serious though, if I ever find a button that will erase zombies from the collective human consciousness, I'm gonna press it. :P)